Meat and the Reporters
by killeraccounts
Summary: This is a one shot but i might change it. :) Who knows *Shrugs*


_The Task force 141 weren't expecting any_ _company at all today. As usual their day went about until General Shepard and Macmillan decided to info_ _rm_ _them that the reporters of England were coming. A_ _ll hell broke loose by_ _then. Especially for Meat._

 ** _Debriefing Room_**

Shepard: As you all know, We have some very important guests coming to visit our base. These ladies are very prefessional at what they do and will only be here for 3hrs. I need all of you to be on your best behavior while they're here. Oh, and try to keep your dicks in your pants gentlemen. I dont need them having a heart attack the minute they walk in.

Yes Sir. _They all said._

Macmillan: Alright lads. The Reporters should arrive here within the next hour. Unless they have questions for you i expect you all to leave them be while they're here. Is that understood ?

Yes Sir.

Shepard: Is there any questions ?

Archer: Where are they coming from Sir ?

Macmillan: They're from England.

Archer: Paris ?

Macmillan: Aye.

Ghost: They're a long way from home.

Mactavish: To right mate.

Shepard: Are there any more questions ?

Roach: Why are they coming again ?

 _Shepard glared_ _at Roach before turning back to look at Macmillan for him answer the_ _question_.

Macmillan: They just wanna see how we operate mate. Just a little something to show the world why we're the best hand-picked group that lived. he smiled.

Price: The best of the best to be exact.

Macmillan: Aye. I agree.

 _Shepard looked back at Roach with an arched eye_ _brow._

Shepard: Does that answer your question Sanderson ?

Roach: Yes Sir.

Shepard: Alright. Mactavish, is there anything that you wanna add ?

Mactavish: Aye. And for those of you who disobey this order will be punished personally. So dont act like an Arse in front of these Reporters. They're young ladies whose trying to investigate in the 141. So act like Gentlemen or your Arse is mines.

Yes Sir. _They all said._

Price: That goes double for you Meat.

Meat: Yes Sir.

Shepard: Anything else Mactavish ?

Mactavish: No Sir. They got the idea. He smiled.

Shepard: Then your all Dismissed.

 ** _Rec-Room_**

Royce: What if the reporters are ugly Meat ?

Meat: I'd still bone them. He smiled.

Scarecrow: We all know that you wouldn't last one minute around them Meat.

Toad: I agree with Scarecrow.

Ozone: Me to.

Chemo: Everyone know's how you are Meat.

 _They all laughed_

Meat: Fuck you guys. I can keep my hands to myself.

Chemo: Suuure. Just like the last time when Chelsea had came over to visit Nikolai.

Royce: You didnt seem to keep your hands to yourself then. Now did you ? he smirked.

Meat: Hey, That girl wanted me first. And you know that Royce.

Royce: Yeah, whatever Meat.

 _He said waving him off like a fly._

Scarecrow: Roach !!

 _Silence_

Scarecrow: Hey ROACH !!

 _He took out his earphones before replying._

Roach: What ?

Scarecrow: You still have those drawings ?

Roach: Nah. Ghost made me throw em away. he shrugged.

Scarecrow: Damn.That sucks.

Roach: Tell me about it.

Chemo: What drawings ?

 _He showed them a sketch of a bird with a half eaten leaf in its mouth._

Toad: I didnt know you knew how to draw Bug. He smiled.

Chemo: Yeah man thats nice.

 _He said handing it back towards him._

Ozone: Why would Ghost throw em away Roach ?

Meat: Probably because he has Porn in them. he smiled.

 _They laughed._ _As roach ignored meats comment._

Roach: They were just some random sketches of things that i Liked to draw.

Ozone: Which were ?

Meat: PORN !! he laughed.

Roach: NO IT WASN'T MEAT !!

 _He said throwing the pencil at him._

Meat: ALRIGHT !! Geez, calm down Bug. It was just a joke. he smiled.

Roach: Whatever.

 _They_ _all_ _turned towards the window as they seen the_ _planes landing on the heli-pad._

Toad: The reporters are here.

Scarecrow: And it looks like Archer's already making the first move.

Meat: No shit. Lets go say hi.

 _They all jumped up and ran towards the door except for Roach and Royce who just walked instead_ _of running like school girls._

Emily: So what's it like being in the Task force ?

Archer: Its actually a big pain in the ass. He smiled.

 _They all just stared at him blankly._

Archer: I'm just kidding. he laughed.

Emily: Oh..I see you got jokes.

Archer: A little. That's basically all that we ever do around here anyways. he shrugged.

Emily: I see.

Eva: So, can you tell us what's it like being the only Medic on the team.

Archer: I love my job as a Sniper, and i honestly wouldnt mind helping out a team mate if he's hurt. Its my duty to do both while we're out in the field anyways.

Eva: Interesting. You dont think that maybe..its just is a little bit to overwhelming for you ?

Archer: Actually yes. It can be a bit frustrating at times but, i try to hold it all together for the sake of my team.

 _They continued asking Archer questions as the others stalked around._ _Eva was a short reporter with long brown hair that sat up in a bun on top of her head. She has green eyes with freckles that covered the top part of her nose. Emily was a taller reporter. She has blue eyes with long blonde hair that also sat on top of head._ _They both wore expensive clothing such as a blouse with a tuxedo vest, and high knee pencil skirts that matched their figure nicely. As Roach would say "_ _Fucking_ _rich people._

Meat: Ozone ? Do you still have those binoculars ?

Ozone: Yep. Here ya go.

Meat: Shit. Looks like they were right.

Chemo: About what ?

Meat: That you'll never get laid.

 _They all laughed._

Chemo: Fuck off Meat. I bet you can't get one of their numbers.

Royce: Oooo. Sounds like a challenge.

Chemo: It is.

Meat: You dont wanna challenge me Chemo. You'll lose big time.

Chemo: Fine. I challenge Roach to do it.

Royce: He's calling you out Roachy ole pal. He laughed.

Meat: Alright fine. Who ever gets their number first wins.

Roach: Wait, I'm apart of the bet ?

Royce: Yep.

Roach: Fine. But what happens if Mactavish finds out ?

Meat: Then I'll tell him that this was all your idea. he grinned.

Roach: No. This feels wrong Meat. I'm not doing it.

Royce: Oh C'mon Bug, it'll be fun.

Meat: Its only wrong if we get caught right Royce ?

Royce: Yep.

Meat: So what will it be Roach ?

Roach: Alright, fine i'll do it. But if we get caught, I'm telling Mactavish that this was your idea Meat.

Meat: Fine. I'll take the blame.

 _He said rolling his eyes._

Chemo: So whose going first ? he smiled.

Meat: Let Bug go first. he smirked.

Roach: Wh-what ? Why ?

Meat: Because mate. Chemo betted you in.

 _They laughed._

Roach: Fine.

 _He pouted._

Ozone: You should wait until the Captain leaves Roach. You'll have a better chance.

Roach: Thanks Captain obvious.

Ozone: No problem. he laughed.

Scarecrow: What time are they leaving ?

Chemo: Around 4 o' clock. Why ?

Scarecrow: So they'll have enough time to get the numbers dumbass.

Chemo: We'll need to come up with a plan then.

Scarecrow: Fine.

Ozone: I've got one.

Toad: Lay it on us Ozzy.

Ozone: Dont call me that Toad. Anyways, you guys have approximately...2 hrs.

Meat: Ok... And ? thats more than enough time.

Scarecrow: We have two solutions for this plan.

Meat: So what's the first one ?

Ozone: If your spotted by Ghost or Mactavish and you havent gotten their number by the time they leave. You lose.

Roach: Seriously ?

Ozone: Yep, So dont get caught.

Meat: Sounds reasonable enough.

Roach: What's the other solution ?

Ozone: Who ever gets their number first and is not seen or spotted by Ghost or the Captain. Wins.

Roach: Deal.

Meat: Deal.

Toad: Let the games begin !!

 _The reporters and their camera crew were walking around the base with Shepard, Macmillan, Ghost, Price and Mactavish. The only time they would seperate was when they had to use the bathroom or take a break for awhile. Roach knew this wasnt gonna be easy. But he needed to prove Meat wrong for once._

 ** _Reporter News Flash_**

Emily: This is Emily Stone. And im here with Captain Mactavish and Lieutenant Simon Riley of the Task Force 141. We are here to ask some questions about their process into keeping their Soldiers quite motivated. So Captain Mactavish, Whats it like recruiting new men to be apart of this Special Task Force ?

Mactavish: We train men from all over the world to become the best of best. In the 141 We do not tolerate failure for an option. These soldiers work to hard for their jobs. As they should. But we also hand pick our Soldiers that we think will most likely be more fit to join.

Emily: Interesting. And how are they prepared for war ?

Mactavish: They train everyday. From 5 to 8 in the mornings. We start them off with breakfeast so that way they'll have enough protein and stamina. Something that will keep their bodies going for awhile. And afterwards they head down to the track for a morning run.

Eva: How long is the run ?

Mactavish: Its a One mile run. Unless their punished. Then they'll run two miles around the base. No breaks.

Eva: What do they do after the mile run ?

Mactavish: After the runs, they'll practice on their shooting. In the 141 we have to make sure that your hitting your target before your target can hit you.

Eva: Very impressive.

Emily: So Captain Mactavish. We know that this task force was created by General Shepard himself along with a few others. How do feel about being the Captain of the crew ?

 _Mactavish paused for a mintue to think. Do i really have to answer this bloody question ? How's it like being Captain of these bloody idiots ? I'll tell ya mate..._

Mactavish: Its actually quite fun being the Captain of these bloody muppets. He smiled.

 _Ghost saw the creepy smile that played across of his CO's face. He knew the bloody asshole would say something cheeky sooner or later._

Emily: Fun ?

Mactavish: Let me rephrase that. What i meant was...

Ghost: That your a bloody arse for that last Comment.

 _The reporters looked back and forth at Ghost and Mactavish for awhile before continuing._

Emily: Uh...Should we stop Captain ?

Mactavish: No. In fact let me introduce you to a few of the Soldiers. Maybe they'll explain it to you better than i can.

Emily: Excellent. She smiled.

 _Mactavish let the reporters walk ahead before punching Ghost in the arm hard._

Ghost: Ow !! What the bloody hell you do that for ?

Mactavish: Dont ever pull that shite again Ghost.

Ghost: Sorry mate. But its the truth.

Mactavish: Dont push your luck pal.

Ghost: I already did.

Mactavish: You want me to pull Rank Riley ?

Ghost: I'll be quiet now.

Mactavish: That's what i thought.


End file.
